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Author: Toomiguci
Good evening ladies & gentlemen & welcome to the Second Bi-Annual Scammy Awards. The Scammy Awards is the second
most prestigious award in Wrestlecrap History, only being beat out by The Gooker Awards. I’m your host, Craig DeGeorge.
Voting has gone on for a little over a week with everybody who’s a huge fan of the Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation
coming out in droves while the fellas in the WresctleCrap Federation were ashamed of their product & did not vote.
Allow me to introduce our first presenters. They are the accountants who made sure things were kept fair. Here are members
of Goldberg, Goldberg, & Osbourne presenting the award for Best Threaderation.
Goldberg: Thank you. It has definitely been an honor to be a part of this historic event.
Goldberg: We counted for hours & hours on end.
Osbourne: We even took our shoes off to count because of the outpour of votes. And here are the nominees:
Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation
WrestleCrap Federation.
Goldberg: And the winner is….
Goldberg: My, what a surprise on this one. Who would have guessed?
Osbourne: Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation.
Announcer: And now here are the next presenters. The Armored Truck Staff from Loomis Fargo who delivered the Scammy Awards
today, Dan Deholt & Jeff Eisenstein.
Dan: Wooo!!! I’m on TV!!! This is so great.
Jeff: We are here to present the award for Best Gimmick.
Dan: That’s right. Because without a gimmick, we’d be watching a bunch of geeks in tights. And the
nominees are:
Psychoapeguy as Mankind
Robo Flair
DSR the Emocore Hero
Blandee Sr
Mercenary
Jeff: And the Scammy Award goes to…RIGHT ON!!! I VOTED FOR THIS GUY!!! Psychoapeguy as Mankind.
CD: Ladies & gentlemen, give it up for the namesake of one of the EWT pay per view’s, Mindless Self Indulgence.
* Mindless Self Indulgence plays a song & then they walk over to the podium.*
I’m going to do all the talking because I am the lead singer & we are here to present the award for Best
Angle or Storyline. You know, those are the things that make wrestling into a male soap opera. And the nominees are:
Mercenary versus jzbadblood
El Gran Luchadore takes over EWT
Mommytaker
Psychoapeguy’s Friendship Society
Scott AlcoHall leaves for rehab….again
And the Scammy Award goes to…Mercenary versus jzbadblood. Man, I didn’t vote for that garbage.
Announcer: And now to present the award for Best Celebrity, here is Shaggy 2 Dope & Violent J, the Insane Clown Posse.
Shaggy: Yo, what is up my juggalos?!?!?!?!?!
J: How ya’all doing today? I got a question for ya! Who’s going chicken huntin’?
Fans: We going chicken huntin.’
Shaggy: That’s right, yo. Now we about to bust open the nominees for Best Celebrity & I understand you b***es
didn’t nominate us!!!
J: That’s cool, we ain’t hatin’. But that will change next time around b***!!!! And the
nominees are:
Jay & Silent Bob
Tim McGraw
Ed Leslie
Leslie Nielsen
Geraldo Rivera
Shaggy: Yo, & the Scammy that should be ours goes to that dude from Airplane & the Naked Gun films, Leslie Nielsen.
J: Ya know what Shaggy?
Shaggy: What J?
J: I don’t feel like taking my ass on home yet. I think we should bump the next presenters off & do this
one ourselves.
Shaggy: True d’at, true d’at. What they gonna do? Hurt us?
J: Hell no. Because we will go all ninja on their ass. So here the nominees for all them punk asses who the fans considered
the Worst Celebrities:
William Hung
Paris Hilton
David Arquette
Zack Attack
Kool Aid Man
Shaggy: And the chump ass who the fans hated most is the former WCW World Champion, David Arquette-Cox. Man his wife used
to be on Friends.
J: There’s a friend I’d like to be on myself.
Shaggy: Let’s go check out them ho’s in the Green Room.
J: I wanna check out that Trish Stratus. I hear she be easy.
Announcer: And now to present the award for Best Promo, here is Joe from Blue’s Clues & Blue herself.
Joe: Wow Blue. Do you believe where we are?
Blue: Bar bar!
Joe: That’s right. The EWT helped us with jzbadblood & now we get to help them present an award. And how
should we do the nominees?
* Blue jumps at the camera & leaves her paw print. *
Joe: hey, we’re gonna play Blue’s Clues with the nominees. To play Blue’s Clues we gotta
find a…paw print. Oh, right. And that’s our first..clue. A clue? A clue. Then we put them in our notebook,
cause their Blue’s Clues, Blues Clues. We gotta find another paw print, that’s our second clue. We put
them in our notebook cause their Blue’s Clues, Blue’s Clues. We gotta find the last paw print, cause that’s
our third clue. We put them in our notebook cause their Blue’s Clues, Blue’s Clues. You know what to do.
We sit down in our Thinking Chair & think, think, think. Cause when we use our mind, take a step at a time, we can do
anything…
Blue: Bar bar.
Joe: That we wanna do. And now Blue, who are the nominees?
Dave Davies
A-Bomb
HitmanMark
Na$$$ure Boy
Joe: And now the winner is….
Mail time, mail time, mail time, MAIL TIME!!!!
Joe: Here’s the mail it never fails. It makes me wanna wag my tail. When it comes I wanna wail…MAAAAAIIIIILLLLL!!!!!
Mailbox: Hi Joe. Here’s your letter with the winner!!!
Joe: Wow, thanks Mailbox. It’s a letter from our friends with the winner. And the winner is HitmanMark.
Announcer: Here is our next set of presenters, Brigitte Neilson & Flavor Flav.
FF: Yeeeeaaaah boyeee!!! Flavor Flav in the house!!!
BN: Oh Flav, you are such a crack up. Hey, that guys cute.
FF: We are here to entertain you with the Best Debut Award, boyeee!!! And the nominees are:
HM Myles
Dorf
Blandee Sr
Mercenary
Wonderful Wally Washington
BN: Those guys are so cute. I wonder how they kiss?
FF: Yo, that’s whack Brigitte. And the winners are…HOLY SMOKES!!! It’s a tie. The winners
are Mercenary, HM Myles, dorf, & Wonderful Wally Washington.
BN: Those boys can debut whenever they want in my room.
CD: Wow, what an evening this has been. And we are nowhere near finished. So I get to do the nominees for Best Return
From An Absence. The nominees are:
D-Boy
Wilmes
Jzbadblood
Golden Spike
Judochoptothehead
And the winner is….wow. Another tie: D-Boy, wilmes, & judochoptothehead. That’s crazy. That must
mean that nobody cares about Spike or jz. Man, what a shame. Oh, my bad. I’m still on. And now to present our next
award is Paris Hilton.
Paris: Wow, like, they brought me back. That’s cool. This is my dog. Isn’t he cute? I lost him at
my grandmother’s house once & posted a reward for his return. And here are the nominees for Best Wrestling Guest
Appearance:
Little Beaver
Dink the Clown
Dynamite Kid
Sabu
Shark Boy
And the winner is…oh, how cute. The little kids won. Little Beaver & Dink the Clown. That is so sweet.
Announcer: And now to present the award for Worst Wrestling Appearance, here is George “The Animal”
Steele.
George: You, you, you!!!! Nomi…nomi….nominees!!!
Abdullah the Butcher
Gene Snitsky
Kane
Raven
Dink the Clown
Winner…winner….winner!!! Butcher, Butcher, Butcher!!!! Nice!!!!
Announcer: And now, as we clean up the stage, here are the nominees for the Best Tag team:
New Page Outlawz
Insiders
HBH & Gasoline
A-Bomb & Stevie Richards
Megalomaniacs
And the winners are…maybe these 2 should battle it out considering their history. A-Bomb & Stevie Richards
as well as HitmanMark & DSR, the Megalomaniacs. And now to present the award for Best Champion is a champion in his own
right, William Hung.
WH: Hello my friends. I am William Hung. And thank you for your supports. These are the champions, my friends. And they’ll
keep on fighting till the end. Here are the nominees:
DSR as EWT Heavyweight Champion
HitmanMark as EWT Heavyweight Champion
HM Myles as OX Division Champion
Scott AlcoHall as WCF Commissioner
Psychoapeguy as EWT Heavyweight Champion
And the winner is the current EWT Heavyweight Champion, psychoapeguy.
Announcer: And now to present the award for Best Couple is HHH & Stephanie McMahon.
HHH: You know, couples look so cute as…
Stephanie: Shut up Hunter, I wear the pants in this family.
HHH: Yes dear.
Stephanie: Here are the nominees for Best Damn Couple. Geeze, don’t even nominate us. That makes me SICK!!!
8Syxx & Chynah
Scott AlcoHall & Geraldo Riviera
Jzbadblood & Trish Stratus
A-Bomb & Stevie Richards
Brian & Marsha
Stephanie: And the winner is…oh geeze. They’ll give an award to anybody I guess. A-Bomb & Stevie
Richards.
Craig DeGeorge: How cool is it that I get to present another award at the ½ way mark? Here are the nominees for Match
of the Threads:
DSR versus HitmanMark in a Barbed Wire Match
Bomber T Harlem Street Fight
The Royal Pain In the Ass Rumble
HitmanMark versus psychoapeguy in the Jersey Rules Mall Match
The Chariots of Fire Match
And the winner is the Chariots of Fire Match. Wow, this is kind of fun. I think I’ll present the next award
before our musical guests come out. Here are the nominees for the Best Feud:
MarkFoundation versus D-Boy
Mercenary versus jzbadblood
A-Bomb & mprox blurred version versus DSR & DK Smith
HitmanMark versus DSR
DSR versus HM Myles
And the winner is…for the second time tonight, Mercenary versus jzbadblood. Those 2 are some crazy sumab***es.
And now, our next musical guest has been a part of EWT not once, but twice. Give it up for Mr. Tim McGraw.
* Tim McGraw comes out & plays a song then proceeds to the podium.*
Good evening folks. It has been an honor & a privilege to be a part of EWT history & to be booked in some exciting
matches. And that is why I am here to present the award for Best Booker. And the nominees are:
HitmanMark
Toomiguci
Double D Dudley
Phantom
WaylonMercyFan
And the winner Toomiguci, founder of the EWT. I have also been asked to present to you, the fans, the Best Spoof of a
Real Wrestling Character. And the nominees are:
Psychoapeguy as Mankind
Bomber T
Na$$$ure Boy
Dane
DSR
And the winner is psychoapeguy as Mankind.
Announcer: Rolling right along tonight, here are the nominees for Wrestlecrap Poster We Miss the Most:
Blue Meanie
Dorzia
Horsesteroids
Mprox
Bobbafett
And the poster who is missed the most is dorzia. Where the hell is he anyways? And to present out next award, here is
Jay & Silent Bob.
Jay: Yo, yo, yo. What is up homeslices. Myself & my heterosexual lifemate, Silent Bob, are here to present the award
for the Best Member of the New Board Order.
Bob: …
Jay: And the nominees are:
Double D Dudley
8Syxx
JackrabbitSlim
Bollywood
And the winner is Double D Dudley. Gee, there’s a surprise since he is the founding father. Right Silent Bob?
* Silent Bob shakes his head yes.*
Jay: Guess what man. We get to present the award for Best MarkFoundation member as well. Snoogans. And the nominees are:
HitmanMark
DSR
The Variable
* Silent Bob unfolds a paper that shows the winner is HitmanMark.*
Announcer: Here to present our next award is Jack Black in his underwear.
JB: Wooo!!! I feel like I’m filming Orange County all over again. Is this f***ing great or what? See, when I’m
in tenacious D, I’m doing a gimmick. And when I leave tenacious D, I do a gimmick change. And that’s why
they picked me to give the award for Best Gimmick Change in my underwear. And the nominees are:
Gangsta to Bomber T to Flamboyant A-Bomb
Hippie Dave to Spookie Dave
DSR to Blandee Sr
Blandee Sr to DSR
$lim’s Many Changes
And the inner is…OH F***ING RIGHT!!!! DSR to Blandee Sr.
Announcer: And now to present the award for Best Postwhore is Anna Nicole Smith.
ANS: Huhuhuhuhuh. If anybody should know about whores, it’s me. And when I film my next video, I want this postwhore
to whore it. Boy, I’m drunk. The nominees are:
Double D Dudley
Toomiguci
Dorf
Invader Dave
HitmanMark
And the winner is Double D Dudley. I used to be a Double D once. * burp *
Announcer: The next presenter for the Scammy Awards is a real quitter. Give it up for Valerie Harper.
VH: I used to be on a hit show that had my own name until I “died” in the show & quit. Remember
me? Anyways, here’s the nominees for Best “I Quit” Promo:
D-Boy
Toomiguci
DSR
HBH
And the winner is a true quitter such as myself. But he got hit by a White Hummer in an angle everybody forgot thanks
to wrestling amnesia….D-Boy.
CD: We’re almost there after 4 hours now folks. Bare with me & we’ll make it out alive. Now for
the nominees in the Best Signature category:
WaylonMercyFan
A-Bomb
Shacmasta
Dorf
Golden Spike
And the winner is A-Bomb with the Easy E as well as Jay & Silent Bob.
Jay: Yo, word!!! We helped a motherf***er win Bob, ain’t that cool?
* Silent Bob shakes his head yes.*
CD: Guys, I’m busy here. And here are the nominees for the Best Poster Category:
HitmanMark
Toomiguci
Shacmasta
KashFlagg
Dinobot
And the winners are shacmasta & Toomiguci. Awwww, ain’t they cute?
Announcer: And now here are the nominees for the HHH Hog the Spotlight Award:
Toomiguci
Double D Dudley
Jasonwatley
Judochoptothehead
JackrabbitSlim
And the winner is the Man of 5000 Posts, Double D Dudley. And now to present our next award, here is Hulk Hogan.
HH: hey bruthas, Hulk-a-mania is still running wild as I hog my daughter’s spotlight. These next nominees are
true Hulk-a-maniacs but only 1 can be the Hulk Hogan Real American such as myself. Here are the nominees, bruthas:
Asicjohnson
Psychoapeguy
Jeff Parrot
A-Bomb
Golden Spike
And the winner doesn’t have 24 inch pythons such as myself, but he has proven once again that he is a true Hulk
Hogan Real American Award Winner, asicjohnson.
Announcer: And now to present the final award so we can all go home, Toomiguci.
Toom: Thank you. It is indeed an honor to present this next award. It is the Toomiguci Vanguard Award & is the Wrestlecrap
Lifetime Achievement Award. It is given to a man who has given so much to us here in Wrestlecrap. He’s fought hard
through blood, sweat, & tears. Not to mention a hurricane or 4 with his server. He’s written 2 books that we
all have grown to love, even if we haven’t read the second one yet. Folks, the first ever recipient of the Toomiguci
Vanguard Award, I give you R.D. Reynolds.
* The audience gives a standing ovaition as R.D. makes his way to the podium.
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