Crap-a-Mania

* Crap-a-mania opens with pyros, lasers, a 20 piece orchestra playing, confetti, gymnasts doing cartwheels, a sword swallower in the ring, kids riding bicycles around the ring doing tricks, as the theme song plays for Crap-a-mania:*

Music: Whoa, whoa…It’s Crap-a-mania. Striving to survive. F*** it up, f*** it up. Whoa, whoa…It’s Crap-a-mania. Striving to survive. F*** it up, f*** it up.

* The ring announcer stands in the center of the ring, ready to welcome everybody & introduce the first event for Crap-a-mania.*

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, to sing “America the Beautiful,” give it up for EWT Hall of Famer, Mr. William Hung.

* William Hung stands on a podium towards the entryway & starts to sing:*

Hung: Oh bweatiful for spachious sky. For amber weigh of graen. For pwurple mwountains, magicsty. Abwove da fwuitat pwanes. Amerwica, Amerwica, God shed his gwace on fwee. Den cwowned da good wid bwudderhood. Fwom sea do shining seaaaaaaaa.

* Fans start cheering & break out in chants.*

Fans: USA USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!!

* Just then, The Communists interrupt & walk up to the podium. Dorf grabs the microphone from Hung as Heiden-dorf grabs Hung by the throat.*

dorf: Is that what you people call singing? This is an outrage. We get left off of Crap-a-mania, lose our tag team title shot, & for what? So this 15-minute of fame moron can come out & butcher a song & you people support him? Well, I tell you what…this is what we think of you fans, as well as EWT screwing us out of what should be ours.

* Heiden-dorf holds up Hung in a Gorilla Press Slam position & drops him from the podium down to a table that Marcel Adams had set up during dorf’s speech. The table breaks in half as dorf laughs at what he is seeing. Just then, Mercenary comes running out of the back & spears dorf, sending him flying off the podium. Merc then gets to his feet as Marcel charges at him & kicks him in the stomach, & grabs him for a stunner. Heiden-dorf walks right up to Merc & gets right in his face. The 2 are looking eye-to-eye, anger amongst both. *

Merc: You want to send a non-wrestler through the table for singing a song crappy? Why don’t you try to send me through a table big man?

* Merc & Heiden-dorf start throwing punches as the fans go crazy. Merc nails a punch so hard, throwing Heiden-dorf off balance. Merc scoops up Heiden-dorf & bodyslams him off the podium, through another table nearby. Merc then jumps down & grabs dorf, power bombing him onto Heiden-dorf. Merc looks at the crowd & grabs a microphone.*

Merc: Don’t cheer me, you a**holes. I didn’t do this for you. I did it because I deserve to be in Crap-a-mania. This has nothing to do with you fans. It has everything to do with ME!!!! So, f*** off. Crap-a-mania deserves Mercenary. Not some 15-minutes of fame washed up has been who’s been inducted into the Hall of Fame. This is my moment to shine, not his. Not theirs. I told everybody I would be here & I am, damn it.

* Merc gives the fans the finger & walks backstage as the Communists lay, broken, by the podium.*

* Backstage, Mean Gene is interviewing mommytaker.*

Mean Gene: mommytaker, are you eventually going to tell us what the hell this mystery woman is all about? Where have you seen here before?

Mommytaker: Gene, in the military they say don’t ask, don’t tell. Just know that tonight I will do what I must do.

* mommytaker walks away as a confused Mean Gene looks on. The mystery woman walks in with the championship belt as Mean Gene runs up to her.*

Woman: Don’t even think about it anymore. Stay away.

* The woman shoves Gene as she walks towards the ramp way.*

Mean Gene: Well, that wasn’t my fault. Let’s get back to the ring.

Announcer: This next contest is for the EWT Girl Next Door Championship. Making the way to the ring first is the Girl Next Door Champion…mommytaker. Her opponent. Say, I have no clue as to who the f*** this woman is.

* mommytaker comes down first, only this time she’s walking. ½ way down, she stops & looks at the crowd. ‘taker finally gets to the ring & steps into it. The mystery woman comes down next, holding the EWT Championship. She climbs into the ring & mommytaker can’t even look at the woman in the eyes. The bell sounds as ‘taker walks into the center of the ring. Suddenly, ‘taker lays down in the center as the mystery woman walks over & puts her hand on ‘taker’s stomach. The ref looks confused as the mystery woman yells for him to count. The referee hesitates at first, but she yells again. Finally, the ref issues a 3-count.*

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, the winner of the match & NEW EWT Girl Next Door Championship…who the f*** is she???

* The woman grabs the title & walks away, as the fans are boo’ing mercifully & calling ‘taker names for going down so easy. Mean Gene comes out from the back with his microphone in hand.*

Mean Gene: What the hell kind of match was that?

Woman: I told you…stay away.

Mean Gene: Hey, I’m just doing my job here. It’s not my fault.

Woman: Just know that this title is mine, so now your precious boss cannot press charges on me. Now, get out of my face.

* The woman shoves her way past Mean Gene, as we cut back to the ring. ‘taker is sitting in the ring, crying. The fans are throwing trash & obscenities at her. ‘taker just gets up & is too ashamed to look at the fans, who once loved her & have now turned on her. ‘taker gets to her feet, looks out at the hundreds of fans in attendance, & cries her eyes out. She climbs out of the ring & walks to the back, crying. Mean Gene tries to comfort her as she walks by him. *

* Backstage, Toomi Bischoff is standing with Botchberg. *

Botchberg: BLEARG!!! When the hell are you going to tell me the stipulation for tonight? I want to know how the hell I will destroy Spaz.

TB: You will be happy to know that your match is next & they’re setting the ring up. But, the stipulation will not be announced until both of you are in the ring. Understand?

Botchberg: You & I have never seen eye to eye & we still don’t. And if you screw with me in this one, YOU’RE NEXT!!!!

TB: Is that a threat?

Botchberg: It’s a promise.

* Botchberg walks away with disgust in his face. Toomi Bischoff just stands there, smiling. *

Announcer: This next contest is the Special Stipulation Match. At this time, it is unknown what will be the ruling for the winner to win this bout. Making his way to the ring first, here is Spaz. And his opponent from the soon to be released DVD’s Camelot Extreme & Camelot Extreme 2…Botchberg!!!

* Both men are in the ring, when suddenly Toomi Bischoff walks out from the back with a microphone in hand.*

TB: Gentlemen, changing the stipulation is nothing personal. I promise you this. The thing is, we couldn’t afford to do all your wishes. And the Fire Marshall wouldn’t agree to the stipulation due to the fact that the tables would have to be burning of the tables for however long the match goes. This is why I have decided that your match will be the Scaffold Tables Match…an EWT classic normally for tag teams. The way to win is to throw your opponent off the scaffold & through the tables below it. As soon as you both start climbing up the scaffold, the ring crew will set up the tables. Now, ring the bell.

* Both men start to climb the scaffold as the bell rings & the ring crew starts to set up the tables for below. As soon as they reach they top, they look eye & eye at each other from across the scaffold. Spaz charges at Botchberg & is met by punches. The two start throwing punches at each other. Spaz meets Botchberg with a knee to the stomach & follows up with a hiptoss. Spaz then lifts up Botchberg, going for a bodyslam. His shoulder injury won’t allow it. Botchberg tackles this as an advantage & punches up, nailing Spaz in the face. Botchberg gets to his feet & grabs Spaz, bodyslamming him. Botchberg nails a suplex onto Spaz that causes a few stitches in Spaz’s shoulder to tear. Botchberg then drops an elbow. Botchberg gets to his feet & grabs Spaz & starts dragging him to the edge of the scaffold. The dragging causes a few more stitches to tear as Spaz screams in pain. Spaz struggles to break free of Botchberg & succeeds. Spaz lands a thumb to the eye of Botchberg. Spaz grabs Botchberg & throws him into the scaffold pole. Spaz wraps Botchberg’s arm & wraps it around the pole. Spaz starts smashing the arm into the pole, causing pain to Botchberg. Spaz starts punching Botchberg’s arm. Spaz climbs the ladder of the scaffold & jumps down with a double axe handle. Spaz starts kicking Botchberg, who’s down on the ground. Spaz starts working on the arm some more. Spaz pulls up Botchberg again & goes for another slam. Spaz’s arm still gives & no luck. Botchberg rolls around a bit & gets to his feet. Botchberg holds his arm & shakes off the pain. Spaz turns around as Botchberg spears Spaz. Botchberg then signals towards the crowd & lifts up Spaz for a jackhammer. Suddenly, Botchberg is attacked from behind by somebody.*

Joey Styles: OH MY GOODNESS, IT’S THE RETURN OF EL GRAN LUCHADORE!!! THAT CRAPPY GIMMIC IS BACK AGAIN!!! WHY WOULDN’T IT BE??? THIS IS CRAP-A-MANIA!!!

* El Gran Luchadore starts nailing Botchberg with a kendo stick. Luchadore busts Botchberg open with the second shot & then works on the arm with it. Spaz gets to his feet & grabs the kendo stick from Luchadore. Spaz starts beating on Botchberg with the kendo stick. Spaz climbs up the ladder as Luchadore makes his exit down the ladder. Spaz jumps off the ladder, nailing Botchberg & busting him open. Spaz then grabs Botchberg & whips him back into the pole. Botchberg staggers as Spaz looks at him & runs at him, nailing a spear that sends Botchberg flying off the scaffold & crashes down in the ring, through a table. Spaz looks down at a fallen Botchberg & heads over to the ladder. Spaz climbs down the ladder. ½ way down the ladder, Spaz stops & looks at Botchberg lying motionless in the ring on a broken table. Spaz leaps off the ladder, crashing down on Botchberg with an elbow drop. El Gran Luchadore makes his way back to the ring & helps Spaz to his feet. Spaz grabs El Gran Luchadore’s mask & yanks it off to reveal jzbadblood, who grabs Spaz’s good arm & raises his hand in victory. *

Joey Styles: What an incredible match we have just witnessed. And Toomi Bischoff gave them what they wanted, minus the steel cage & fire. But, can you blame him? I don’t think neither man would have survived that sort of additions to this match. But who would have thought jzbadblood would have gotten involved by bringing back El Gran Luchadore to EWT? Sure as hell wasn’t me. Now, let’s show you the highlights of the first ever EWT 5K Beer Run featuring Bollywood Spike as well as other nBo alumni.

* Footage is shown outside a local grocery store. Fans are all around, stretching, preparing, & mingling amongst each other as well as EWT personal who came out to watch. Spike is shown with a beer in his hand & standing with him is EWT Hall of Famer 8Syxx as well as Geraldo Rivera & other Hall of Famer "Da Bad Guy" Stone Cold "Big Magnum" Scott "Last Call" AlcoHall, who is staggering a bit from drinking. The officials signify for the particpants to take their place at the start line. Everybody does so as the official starts the clock & fires the starter gun. Everybody runs into the grocery store to grab some sort of aloholic beverage, except for AlcoHall. He passed out as soon as the start gun hit. Bollywood Spike grabs a 30 pack & jumps in a car, speeding off. *

* Footage now shows the end of the race route, where runners are all carrying their Beer Run product when they all scatter & dive for cover. Bollywood Spike comes driving through the race course, weaving all over the street, as his car crashes into the officials’ stand & crosses the finish line, declaring him the winner wil a sleeping AlcoHall is in the passenger seat. Cut back to the Crap-a-mania ring & the ring announcer.*

Announcer: This next contest is the Elevator To Hell Match & is for the OX Division Championship. The only way to lose the match is to be placed in the elevator & sent down to HELL!!!! Coming to the ring first is the challenger. Representing the Nation of Devestation, here is Dave Davies. His opponent is the EWT OX Division Champion. Here is DSR.

* DSR makes his way to the ring as Davies sits & waits. DSR climbs into the ring & hands the belt to the referee. DSR looks at Davies & gives him the finger. DSR then walks up to Davies & starts talking s*** to him as the bell rings. DSR punches Davies & then walks out of the ring. DSR heads to the back of the building, where the elevator is set up. DSR pushes the button to open the elevator & when the doors open, he walks into the elevator. DSR gives the finger as Davies gets to his feet in the ring, looking on in shock. The elevator doors close triggering the bell to ring. Everybody looks confused as the referee talks to the ring announcer. *

Announcer: The winner of the match & NEW EWT OX Division Champion, Dave Davies.

* Davies takes the belt, but still has a shocked look on his face. Davies starts to walk to the back up the entryway & passes the elevator. The elevator door opens & DSR lunges out of the elevator & attacks Davies. DSR lands a Superkick to take down Davies & then grabs him, setting him up for the TurboNegro Destroyer. DSR nails it, leaving Davies on the concrete floor. DSR grabs the OX Division Championship & walks back to the ring, grabbing the microphone.*

DSR: You know what? I have held every damn title here in the EWT. Every f***ing title. And what did it get me? Nothing. No respect at all. And what have I done lately? Been wearing this piece of crap championship. This championship means nothing. It meant nothing until I wore it. Come on, the people in the back called this the damn OxyMoron Championship. OxyM oron. It was me that renamed it. It was me that gave it prestige. But this belt…I wipe my ass with this belt. It means NOTHING at all. If davies wants it, he can have it…right after I finish up with it. This pay per view is called Crap-a-mania, huh? You wanna see crap?

* DSR drops the championship down in the ring, pulls his pants down, & takes a crap on the OX Division Championship. *

DSR: There’s your Crap-a-mania. I got better things to do. Like getting back the belt that rightfully belongs to me…the EWT Heavyweight Championship. Then maybe, just maybe, I will allow you all to respect me again.

* DSR walks to the back as the fans boo him over what he has just done. DSR stops as officials are checking on Davies. DSR starts giving the boot to Davies some more. DSR picks up a chair & starts beating Davies with it. DSR gives multiple hits to the sternum area of Davies. DSR lays the chair down on Davies & climbs up on the scaffolding that holds the ToomiTron. DSR jumps off the scaffolding & crashes down on Davies with a corkscrew moonsault. DSR starts kicking Davies some more as Davies starts spitting up blood. DSR just looks on with a smile & walks backstage.*

* Josh Mathews makes his way down to the ring with somebody. Who knows. Nobody recognizes as the fans chant.*

Fans: Who the f*** is that? Who the f*** is that? Who the f*** is that? Who the f*** is that?

Josh Mathews: Good question. Allow me to introduce the winner of the EWT: Can You Dig That, F***a!! Competition. This is Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy fought hard in the competition & won a chance to play that same video game against any EWT superstar of his choice in the center of the ring. And if he beats that superstar, he takes home 1 thousand dollar. So Jimmy, who do you chose?

Jimmy: I chose The Variable!!! Wooo, yeah!!!

Josh: Um, Jimmy…he’s still in the hospital recuperating from his injury. He’s not even done with surgeries.

Jimmy: So I win by forfeit then? Right on!!!

Josh: No, you have to choose somebody on the active roster.

Jimmy: First, your wrestlers screw me out of my autographs & now this?? Come on man. I read the rules. It doesn’t say anything about active roster. I chose Variable. I want to wrestle Variable in the damn game.

Josh: Jimmy…

Jimmy: Don’t Jimmy me, man. Either get his ass out here or give me the thousand dollars. I’ll sue & win. My dad’s a lawyer.

Josh: Let’s go. We’ll discuss this in the back.

Jimmy: There’s nothing to discuss. You’ll give me my damn money in the back.

Josh: Let’s go, this segment’s over.

* Both men head backstage.*

Announcer: This next contest is the 2 Out Of 3 Falls Old School Match for the Tag Team Championship. For fans that have been around for a long time, you know the rules. For you new, bandwagon fans, the rules are simple. The participants must follow the tag team wrestling rules of the 80’s. 5 second tag rule, disqualifications, count outs, & 2 men in the ring at a time is what you will see, as the tag team division returns to it’s roots for 1 night & 1 night only. Making their way to the ring first, accompanied by Rosa, here is the team of Heartbreak Hitman Bret Micheals & his partner is the one they call Gasoline. Their opponents are the reigning EWT Tag Team Champions. They are the first gay married couple in the history of wrestling. Here are Bomber T & Stevie Richards, H*** Heat.

* Bomber T & Stevie Richards make their way to the ring as Boy George is standing at the entryway, singing, “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” Bomber T & Stevie Richards have a Gay Pride Parade accompanying them to the ring as well. Rainbow fireworks are going off, as rainbow streamers, confetti, & balloons drop from the ceiling. *

* Both teams are in the ring in their respective corners. They are discussing who will start the match first. Stevie Richards decides to start first, as does Gasoline. T & HBH get in their corners as the bell rings. Stevie & Gas lock up, but Gas nails a forearm to the back of a smaller Stevie. Gas grabs Stevie & flings him into the corner. Gas runs at Stevie with a clothesline, but Stevie ducks out of the way. Stevie runs at Gas with a dropkick, sending Gas into the corner. Stevie climbs the ropes & starts punching Gas as the fans count along in unison with the punches & the referee starts to issue a 5 count. Stevie drops down to the mat & grabs Gas, attempting to fling him across the ring. Gas counters & hits Stevie with a short-armed clothesline. Gas hoists Stevie up & hits a bodyslam to the mat. Stevie wretches in pain as Gas drags him to his corner & tags in HBH. *

* HBH jumps in the ring & hits a German Suplex to Stevie. HBH lifts up Stevie & throws him into the ropes. Stevie is able to reverse it & hits a forearm, sending HBH flipping over the top rope. Stevie crawls over to his corner & makes a tag. Bomber jumps into the ring & heads back outside the ring after HBH. Bomber starts working on HBH with punches as the referee starts a count. Bomber tosses HBH back into the ring & crawls into the ring himself. Bomber rolls back into the ring but is met by an elbowdrop from HBH. HBH grabs Bomber & positions him for a piledriver. Bomber reverses it into a backflip, sending HBH crashing to the mat. As HBH attempts to get to his feet, Bomber runs the ropes & lands a scissors kick to the back of the head of HBH & goes for a cover as the referee counts 1-2-3.*

* Bomber gets to his feet & celebrates with his tag team partner. The 2 plant a kiss on each other, not realizing the second fall has started & a weary HBH was able to tag in Gas. Gas runs into the ring & grabs the 2 celebrating, smashing their heads together. Gas grabs Bomber & hoists him up, nailing a Snake Eyes in the corner. Gas lifts up Bomber again & connects with a Jackknife Powerbomb & covers Bomber as the referee counts 1-2-3. *

* Gas goes for another quick attempt & lifts up Bomber into another Jackknife Powerbomb. Gas is nailed from behind by a Missile Dropkick from the top rope by Stevie. Stevie quickly rolls out of the ring as Bomber falls on top of Gas. Bomber gets to his feet & bounces off the ropes. Gas starts to rise & Bomber goes for a Scissors Kick. Bomber connects & attempts a cover. HBH dives off the top rope, landing an elbow to the back of the head of Bomber. HBH lifts Bomber up & nails a Belly to Back Suplex. HBH leaves the ring before the count of 5 as Gas hoists up Bomber & throws him into the ropes. Stevie is able to tag himself in as Bomber bounces off the ropes & is met by a boot to the face. Stevie leaps into the ring & jumps on Gas’s back, applying a sleeperhold. Gas holds onto Stevie & runs him back into the turnbuckles. Gas then reaches behind & flips Stevie over onto his back. Bomber gets to his feet with Gas’s back to him & clips his knee, taking Gas down. Bomber then slides out of the ring as Stevie quickly gets to his feet. Stevie starts kicking at Gas’s knee & applies a leglock. Gas manages to get to the ropes, as the referee issues a count. Stevie releases the hold & quickly gets to the top rope. Stevie jumps off the top rope & connects with an elbow drop to the bad leg. Stevie continues to work on the leg of Gas as he tags in Bomber. Bomber climbs to the top rope & drops a knee on Gas as Stevie is holding him. Bomber hoists Gas up as Stevie revs up & nails a Stevie-kick. But Gas manages to get out of the way & Bomber gets nailed with the Stevie-kick instead. Stevie quickly runs to his partner & starts apologizing as Gas grabs Stevie & throws him out of the ring. Gas then grabs Bomber from the ground & drags him over to his corner, where he tags in HBH. HBH comes off the top ropes with a double axe handle. HBH grabs Bomber as Gas heads out of the ring. HBH throws Bomber over the top rope. Gas jumps off the apron & drags Bomber over to the announce table. Gas bodyslams Bomber onto the announce table as HBH climbs the top rope, leaping off with a flying elbow, crashing through the Jamaican Announce Table, sending the Jamaican Announcer’s running. 1 of the announcer’s drops a bag & Gas picks it up, looks at it, smiles, & stuffs the bag in his trunks.*

Gasoline: Save this for later. Free is good.

* Gasoline helps HBH onto his feet & whispers in his ear. HBH high fives Gas & climbs back into the ring. Gas heads over to Bomber & lifts him up for a Jackknife Powerbomb & is standing right next to the barricade. Just as he hoists up Bomber, his knee gives out from the beating he took earlier & he collapses. Bomber falls on top of Gas & realizes something. He reaches into Gas’s trunks & pulls out the bag, stuffing it into his trunks. Bomber then struggles to his feet as the referee is nearing 10. Bomber rolls back into the ring just in the knick of time, as HBH goes to drop an elbow. Bomber rolls out of the way. HBH goes for another as Bomber rolls out of the way. Bomber quickly gets to his feet, as he starts throwing rights & lefts to HBH. Bomber then grabs HBH & hits him with a Bomb Drop. Bomber lifts up HBH & drags him to his corner, where he tags in Stevie. Stevie grabs HBH & hits him with a StevieT (aka DDT). Stevie goes for a cover, as Bomber is standing above him, proud. Just then, Bomber is nailed with a steel chair from behind. Gas then takes Stevie out with a steel chair & the referee calls for the bell. Gas takes the referee out with the chair & sets the chair up in the sitting position. Gasoline grabs Stevie & throws him into the ropes, nailing a big boot. Gasoline takes Stevie & sets him up for a Jackknife Powerbomb. This time his knee doesn’t give out, as he powerbombs Stevie on the set-up chair. The back of Stevie’s head hits so hard, that he’s busted open. Gasoline grabs Bomber & throws him into the turnbuckle. Gasoline grabs the bent chair & smashes it over Bomber’s head, busting him open. Gasoline gives an elbow to Bomber, shoving him in the corner more. HBH finally manages to get to his feet, so Gasoline grabs Stevie & holds him up. HBH revs up his foot as Gasoline is holding Stevie & nails some Sweet Chin Music on Stevie. Gasoline holds him again, signaling for another one. HBH revs up again, nailing another Sweet Chin Music to Stevie. Bomber finally comes to his senses & grabs the steel chair, chasing both HBH & Gasoline out of the ring. Bomber checks on his partner as EMT’s rush down to the ring. HBH & Gasoline are walking towards the back, raising their hands as if they were victorious. Bomber is so pissed off that he’s keeping EMT’s away. Bomber lifts up an unconscious Stevie in his arms & carries him out of the ring. Bomber has tears of anger in his eyes; not allowing any of the EMT’s to touch his partner. Bomber drops to his knees in the aisle way, & starts to scream” *

Bomber: WHY?!?!?!?! WHY GOD!?!?!?!? I SWEAR, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!! I SWEAR I WILL!!!

* Bomber collapses on Stevie, as EMT’s crowd around him again. Audience shots are taken, as women are crying at this emotional scene involving Bomber T & his husband. Bomber T finally caves in & allows Stevie to be helped by EMT’s. They load him up on a gurney, as he’s still unconscious. Blood is dripping down Bomber’s face as he refuses help from the EMT. Everybody heads towards the back as we cut to footage from EWT ASSes, the Fan Festival in which those who paid good money got to be up close & personal with their favorite EWT superstars. Cut backstage.*

* Josh Mathews is backstage with Jeff Parrott & Diamond Dallas Page.*

Josh: Gentlemen, it’s good to have you back. How are you feeling after that almost 2-month ordeal in Iraq?

Parrott: How do we feel? How do we feel? How the hell do you think we feel? How would you feel, being a hostage in a country that has gone crazy? It took them 2 damn months to even think about sending somebody over. And when we get back to the States, what happens? NOTHING!! We don’t even get a Hero’s Welcome.

Josh: Well, I’m sure there’s something planed.

Parrott: Yeah, right. All they cared about was this stupid Crap-a-mania garbage. Who needs Jeff Parrott & Diamond Dallas Page when there’s a damn pay per view to hype. It just goes to show that all they care about is money. Obviously, our lives aren’t good enough for them. This interview is over.

DDP: And can you feel the….BANG!!!

Parrott: Shut up.

* Parrott & DDP leave the interview area as they cut back to the ring.*

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, we here at EWT are proud to announce with your help, we have set a BRAND NEW Indoor Attendance Record with this standing room only crowd. 93,174 of you loyal EWT fans are here to witness this history in the making. And we here at EWT thank you from the bottom of our hearts. And now for our next contest. First, allow me to introduce to you the Guest Timekeeper. He was the second celebrity inducted into last Night’s Hall of Fame Class of February, 2005 Ceremony. Give it up for Fitness Guru, Richard Simmons.

* Richard Simmons comes prancing down to the ring, all excited to be back involved with the EWT. He slaps hands of everybody, glad to be there. Simmons gets in the ring & starts doing jumping jacks & then takes his place at ringside at the timekeeper’s table. *

Announcer: This match is scheduled to last a minimum of one hour & can only be won via submission. It’s the Iron Man Submission Match. Both wrestlers’ MUST last an hour before they can attempt a victory by submission. Making his way to the ring in his EWT return, this is HitmanMark. His opponent is the EWT Tri-State Champion & a former tag team champion. This is Moxie.

* Both men are standing in the ring as the referee displays the EWT Tri-State Championship that HitmanMark was so nice to bring back from Japan with him for tonight. The winner of this match up gets to take that title home with them. The bells rings as both men close in & get into each other’s face. Hitman starts talking something to Moxie as nobody can hear what is being said. Moxie starts swinging, as does Hitman. Both men start brawling as the fans get into it. Hitman grabs Moxie & flings him over the top rope. Hitman runs at the ropes & goes for a suicide dive through the ropes. Hitman connects with a clothesline. Hitman grabs Moxie & throws him headfirst into the barricade. Hitman starts stomping on Moxie as the crowd goes wild for his return. Hitman grabs Moxie & sets him up for a belly to back suplex. Hitman flips & connects a release belly to back suplex. Hitman grabs Moxie & throws him into the ring steps. Hitman runs T connects with a dropkick to the head of Moxie that sends his head ramming into the ring steps. Hitman lifts up Moxie & Suplexes him into the aisle way. Hitman lifts up Moxie & throws him back first into the barricade. Hitman runs for a clothesline but Moxie manages to duck & back bodydrops Hitman into the crowd. Moxie drops to his knees to catch his energy. Moxie gets to his feet after a minute & climbs into the crowd. Moxie grabs Hitman & rams his head into the barricade. Moxie grabs a fan’s chair & cracks it over Hitman’s head. Moxie then takes the chair & places it on Hitman’s throat. Moxie rams the chair into the barricade, hitting the chair into Hitman’s throat. Moxie grabs Hitman & bodyslams him onto another fan’s chair. Hitman grabs his back as the match hits the 15-minute mark.*

* Moxie grabs Hitman & drags him through the crowd to the barricade next to the entryway. Moxie flips Hitman over the barricade & climbs over it. Moxie grabs Hitman to throw him but Hitman reverses it, sending Moxie into the scaffolding that holds the lights. Hitman grabs Moxie & rams his head into the scaffolding multiple times. Moxie kicks at Hitman, getting him off of him. Moxie surprises everybody & starts climbing the scaffolding. Moxie looks down at Hitman, who gets to his feet & starts climbing up after Moxie. Moxie starts to climb higher & gets to the light rigging. Moxie climbs over the railing & gets on the catwalk. Hitman follows him, as does the referee. When Hitman reaches the catwalk, Moxie grabs him & starts punching at him. Hitman is able to get a hand free & jams a thumb in the eye. Moxie reels back as Hitman climbs onto the catwalk. Hitman grabs Moxie & rams his head into the railing. Hitman bodyslams Moxie onto the irons of the catwalk. Hitman grabs Moxie to lift him up again, but Moxie lands a kick to the head. Moxie gets to his feet as the match hits 25 minutes.*

* Moxie grabs Hitman & knees him in the gut. Moxie grabs Hitman in a headlock & nails a DDT on the catwalk. Moxie lifts up Hitman again & starts ramming his head into the railing. Moxie grabs an electrical cord from one of the lights & unplugs it. Moxie uses the cord to choke out Hitman. Moxie grabs the plug end of the cord & starts beating Hitman with it, busting his head open. Moxie grabs Hitman & hits a belly to back suplex on him, making Hitman’s head crash on the iron catwalk. Moxie grabs Hitman & drags him over to a door, bashing his head into the door. Moxie opens the door & flings Hitman into the opening. The door leads to a flight of stairs, as Hitman goes tumbling down the stairs. Moxie walks down the stairs towards Hitman. Hitman grabs a broom that’s lying next to him on the stairs & hits Moxie upside the head with it. Hitman struggles to his feet & breaks the broom over Moxie’s head. Hitman grabs Moxie & lands a suplex onto Moxie that sends him crashing down the stairs. Hitman gets to his feet & walks down the stairs towards Moxie as the match passes the 35 minute mark.*

* Hitman grabs Moxie & starts dragging him down the stairs to another door. The door opens right into the concourse. Hitman grabs Moxie & tosses him through the door so hard that the door breaks off its hinges. Hitman starts throwing punches at Moxie & drags him towards a souvenir stand. Hitman grabs Moxie & nails a fall away slam, sending Moxie into the souvenir stand, smashing the stand with items on it. Hitman grabs the EWT: Can You Dig That, F***a!!! game & hits Moxie with the case. Hitman opens the case & grabs the cd game inside & rakes it across Moxie’s forehead multiple times, cutting Moxie’s head open. Hitman throws Moxie into a glass door that the fans come in from. Hitman grabs Moxie, but Moxie lands a knee into Hitman. Moxie grabs Hitman & smashes his head into the door. Moxie grabs Hitman again & walks back, holding Hitman & runs for the door. Moxie runs through an open door but releases Hitman to go smashing through & breaking the glass door. Moxie starts giving the boot to Hitman as he’s lying in shards of broken glass. Moxie pulls Hitman to his feet & throws him into a concrete wall. Moxie runs at Hitman, but Hitman backdrops over the concrete barrier. Hitman looks over the barrier & sees Moxie laying on the handicapped ramp. Hitman climbs up on the barrier, looks down at Moxie again, & leaps off the concrete barrier & connects with a flying headbutt onto Moxie as the match hits the 50 minute mark.*

* A couple of minutes pass, as both Hitman & Moxie are hurting outside the arena from that last shot. Hitman is able to get to his feet first, as he grabs Moxie. Hitman is limping as he drags Moxie back up the handicapped ramp. Hitman grabs Moxie & scoops him up for a bodyslam by the entryway & slams Moxie right onto a turnstile. Hitman shoves Moxie over the turnstile & leaps over the turnstile himself. Hitman starts nailing kicks towards Moxie. Moxie is able to muster the strength to grab Hitman’s foot & flip him onto his back. Moxie grabs Hitman’s leg & applies an ankle lock. Moxie struggles to get to his as Richard Simmons rings the bell inside the arena to signify that the match has hit the hour mark & it is now time for a submission. *

* Moxie manages to get to his feet & turns the leg lock into a Cloverleaf. Moxie holds the move until Hitman is able to break the hold. Hitman struggles to his feet now & grabs Moxie. He throws Moxie through the curtains back into the arena area. Hitman grabs Moxie & nails a release suplex that sends Moxie shuffling down the stairs. As Hitman walks down the stairs towards Moxie, he’s attacked at the one hour & ten minute mark.*

Joey Styles: HOLY S***!!! A FAN JUST ATTACKED HITMAN!!! WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE!!! THAT’S NOT A FAN. THAT’S NOT A FAN, THAT’S NOT A FAN!!! IT’S D-BOY, D-BOY; D-BOY IS BACK INSIDE AN EWT EVENT SINCE HIS FIRING!!! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!!!

* D-Boy grabs a chair & starts hitting Hitman with it multiple times. D-Boy grabs Hitman & starts beating on him with brass knuckles. This causes Hitman to be busted open even more, as blood is pouring out of his head big time. Security as well as police officer rush D-Boy, as they try prying him off of Hitman. Finally, they are able to as the officers tackle D-Boy & shock him with a taser. D-Boy is rendered unconscious by this electric jolt as he is cuffed & escorted out of the building to fans cheering the arrest as the match hits one hour & fifteen minutes.*

* Moxie is a little bit refreshed as he gets to his feet. Moxie goes after Hitman, who is at the top of the stairway. Moxie grabs the leg & applies a Sharpshooter, applying extreme pressure. Hitman is screaming in pain, refusing the give up as the blood has now made his face an extreme crimson mask of red. After several minutes in the Sharpshooter, Hitman passes out from blood loss as the referee checks on him. The referee calls for the bell & awards the match to Moxie due to Hitman passing out from a loss of blood. Moxie grabs the EWT Tri-State Championship & wipes away the blood from his face. Moxie walks down through the fans, who are berating him, & heads backstage as medics check on HitmanMark up in the stands, still unconscious. Next we shoot backstage to Craig DeGeorge with Toomi Bischoff.*

DeGeorge: Toomi, do you have anything to say about what we just witnessed here?

TB: Do I have anything to say? Of course I have something to say. D-Boy had no f***ing right to be here. Unfortunately, I am not going to reverse the ref’s decision or anything, because as you can see…Hitman’s in no shape to go on. Therefore Moxie is the reigning champion.

DeGeorge: What kind of action are you going to take against him? He flat out attacked an EWT wrestler. And he’s not an EWT superstar. He’s just a fan.

TB: You want the truth? I am not going to do a damn thing. I could press charges, but he probably had a ticket to get in. Plus, what good would it do? He’s been in jail so many times. Hell, I bailed the guy out of jail once. Granted, the charges were dropped. But, what the hell is that going to do for him? Instead, I am going to leave it up to HitmanMark. Whatever he wants to do against D-Boy, it’s his call. And if nobody will sanction it in the wrestling world…THEN I WILL!!!

DeGeorge: While I got you here, any word on Stevie Richards?

TB: He has been taken to a local medical facility & as soon as the pay per view is over, I am going to head over. I have spoken with Bomber T on the telephone. He is very distraught right now. At this time, Stevie has only suffered a broken jaw with multiple lacerations & he will require many stitches to the back of his head. That is all I know, as they are conducting X-Rays, checking on….

DeGeorge: Hold on Mr. Bischoff, I am receiving word of something backstage & we have a camera there now. It’s involving Spaz.

* Another camera shot is backstage of EMT’s attending to Spaz, who is laid out in the locker room. His shoulder is bleeding from where he received stitches earlier in the week as we cut back to the ring to prepare for the main event. *

Announcer: It is time for the Crap-a-mania Main Event scheduled for one fall. It is the Blindfold Match & is also for the EWT Heavyweight Championship. Making his way to the ring first, here is psychoapeguy. His opponent is the EWT Champion. Here is jzbadblood.

Joey Styles: The champ is looking good as he makes his way to the ring. Could this be his final match as champion? Wait a minute. Some fans are throwing French fries & French fry containers at jz for some reason. And they’re throwing what appears to be McDonald’s burger wrappers. What exactly is the meaning of this?

* Both men get in the ring as 2 referees are in the ring. Both are holding a hood as psycho grabs his hood & puts it on himself, ready to go. The referee ties the hood in the back. Jz is hesitant to put his hood on, but finally the referee does it. Jz’s hood is tied in the back, as well. One referee stays in the ring as the other heads towards the back & the bell rings. Psycho just kind of walks around the ring as jz leans back & grabs a hold of the ropes. Jz finds his way towards the corner as the fans help psycho by chanting what directions to go. Psycho makes his way, as jz feels psycho grabbing for him. Both men lock up, as jz is able to hiptoss psycho. Jz feels the air, looking for psycho, who rolls out of the way. Psycho rolls & hits jz’s legs, causing jz to trip. Psycho feels jz & starts punching him with lefts & rights. Jz feels the bottom rope & pulls himself out of the ring. Jz stands outside the ring, getting a breath of fresh air. Psycho gets to his feet & starts feeling around, as jz rolls back into the ring. Jz gets to his feet & starts feeling around. Psycho finds jz first & grabs him, landing a knee to the gut. Psycho reaches around & hooks jz & hammers him with a double arm suplex. Psycho drops down to all fours & starts feeling around some more until he finds jz. Psycho grabs jz with one hand & gets to his feet. He throws jz into the ropes & runs the same direction, hitting a clothesline. Psycho drops down to his knees again & feels around, finding jz again. Psycho gets to his feet again & grabs jz by the hood. Psycho grabs jz & applies a Mandible Claw. Jz’s arms are flying around like crazy, as he’s not only gagging on the fingers but the hood. Jz knees psycho in the groin & holds onto him as well. Jz pushes psycho back & finds a corner, as he starts throwing punches like crazy. Jz throws punches into the gut area & throws psycho into the opposite turnbuckle. Psycho does a complete 360 flip over the top rope to the outside. *

* jz runs towards the corner where he through psycho & finds nothing. Jz has a feeling & drops down, rolling out of the ring. Jz gets down on all fours & finds psycho. Jz then realizes he’s close to something & reaches under the ring, where he pulls out a chair. Jz gets to his feet & brings the chair down on psycho’s back multiple times. Jz lifts up psycho & tosses him back in the ring. Jz slides back into the ring with the chair in hand. Jz starts swinging with the chair & connects with the referee. Jz drops down & feels who he hit, thinking it was psycho. Jz feels shirt & realizes he took the referee out. Jz rolls out of the ring & goes underneath the ring, where he finds a toolbox. Jz finds a pair of wire cutters in the toolbox & uses it to cut the string around the hood. Jz rips the hood off & climbs back into the ring, bringing the hood with him. Jz runs up & grabs psycho, throwing him into the turnbuckle. Jz grabs psycho & hoists him up onto the top rope, & nails a belly to back suplex. Jz climbs the top rope when suddenly, Botchberg’s music hits. Botchberg comes running down to the ring as jz gets down from the top rope. Botchberg slides into the ring & looks at jz across the ring from him. Botchberg & jz lock up in the ring, as Botchberg gets the advantage. Botchberg lands punches to the midsection of jz. Botchberg grabs jz & throws him into the corner. Botchberg runs at jz & shoulder blocks him in the corner. Botchberg sets jz up for a Jackhammer & nails it. Botchberg then heads over to check on psycho & helps him to his feet as psycho gets confused since the hood is on & low blows Botchberg. Botchberg goes down. Psycho starts throwing punches on Botchberg’s back & finds the chair. Psycho brings the chair down on Botchberg’s back multiple times. Jz gets to his feet & staggers over to psycho, grabbing the chair. Jz hits psycho with the chair then drops it, nailing a DDT onto the chair. Jz lifts up psycho & throws him into the corner again. Botchberg gets to his feet & shakes the cobwebs off. He runs towards jz for a spear, but jz gets out of the way as Botchberg crashes into psycho. Jz grabs the chair & smashes it down on Botchberg’s head. Jz then grabs Botchberg & nails a DDT onto the chair to Botchberg. Jz grabs the chair & nails psycho with it again & lifts psycho up again. Jz gets psycho ready for his finisher when Botchberg gets to his feet & runs at jz with a Spear. Jz sidesteps the spear & it connects with psycho. Jz grabs the chair again & smashes Botchberg one more time, busting open the stitches from his match earlier. Jz quickly puts the hood on as he sees the referee coming to & drops down on top of psychoapeguy as the referee counts 1-2-3. jz rips the hood off & grabs his championship, getting the hell out of the ring fast. Botchberg is lying out in the ring as psychoapeguy is helped up by the referee who removes psychoapeguy’s hood. Psychoapeguy sees Botchberg laid out in the ring, bleeding, & gets a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Psychoapeguy goes over to aid Botchberg. Jzbadblood is standing at the entryway, holding the EWT Heavyweight Championship above his head, & laughing*

* Suddenly, jz goes down hard, as DSR is standing above him holding a steel chair. DSR drops the chair to the ground & grabs jz, setting him up for the TurboNegro Destroyer. DSR gets jz into position & flips him onto the chair. DSR grabs the EWT heavyweight Championship & holds it around his waist as the pay per view fades to black.*